If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
