I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize