Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
