I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
