Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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