so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
