I wannas sexs uuuuu
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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