Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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