i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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