We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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