all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
