I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I believe in your delicious
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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