I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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