first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
