just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
