Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
