look no pants
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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