ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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