Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
