He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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