I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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