oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
