She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
