The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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