its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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