It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
