it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
