If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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