Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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