I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We need a shit load of segways right now
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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