went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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