we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
