Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
