this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
