mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
