I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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