Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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