so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
