and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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