The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
