Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They took my balls.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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