Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
