so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
