not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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