dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
