I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
