Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
