Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
