Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
