So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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