In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
