I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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