I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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