Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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