I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
