Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
