I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
