im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
