How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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