so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize