Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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