He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
