I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think a kid would responsible me up
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
