I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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