walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
