If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
