i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
