Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
