You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize