You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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