Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I am spending my child support on dildos
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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