Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
