It's Friday. Sex?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
