There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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