My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
