May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
