I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
