You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
