Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i believe in u and ur pee
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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