butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
