I want to have your abortion
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
