i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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