we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize