There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
