You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
