So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
