Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
