you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
