when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just puked most of my soul out..
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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