Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
