a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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