Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
