i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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