i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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