Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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