Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
