sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
